"What Breaking Up And Getting Back Together Really Means"

(extracted from a Marius Panzarella newsletter)


A lot of people think that it must be "true love" when a man and woman keep on getting back together after breaking up. They think it means the couple love each other so much that they can't stay away from each other for too long. All the break‑ups and complications just mean they are the modern equivalents of Romeo and Juliet.


As a dating coach who has seen lots of cases over the years, I'm afraid I do not agree with this rosy view. I actually think that if a couple keeps on breaking up and getting back together, it's a sign that maybe the couple should NOT be together after all.


Think about it. If you really belonged together, then you shouldn't have broken up so many times in the first place. Instead of breaking up and getting back together so many times, you should have been happily married by now. The fact that you have never been able to STAY together for long is a sign that your relationship has too much drama involved.


If you have trouble staying together, it means one of two things. You guys either do not have the skill to stay in a relationship together, or you guys simply do not have the right personalities to stay together without clashing.


If you belong in the first category, then you should make a commitment to start working on the relationship together. Make it clear that the next break‑up will be permanent. Go see a relationship or marriage counsellor if you have to. Do everything you can to work on the relationship. This is your last chance.


If you belong in the second category, then you should really look for another partner. Character is hard to change and if your personality clashes too much with your partner's, it's a sign you need to find someone who is more compatible with you no matter how high the attraction is. (As I say all the time, just because you are attracted to a person doesn't mean you should be with them, just like drugs may make you feel good, but it doesn't mean you should do drugs.)


Here's a little meditation for you to do. Let's say you have been on and off with your partner for eight years. Assuming you live to 80, that's about 10 percent of your life gone. What could you have done with that time had you found another partner who is MORE COMPATIBLE with you? Would you have been happily married by now? Would you have had more time to spend on other areas of your life? Would you have been a more productive person if you didn't have to spend so much time and energy on a CRAZY relationship that is *still* going nowhere
today?



Think about that for a minute.


Now...think about your future...


Are you ready to spend ANOTHER eight years of your life on a relationship that has gone nowhere in the past eight years, especially when you may not even stay together in the end because your personalities clash too much? Don't forget that permanent baggage is added to a relationship every time you break up and get back together. So your chances of staying happily ever after will DECREASE each time you get back together.


Think about this really hard, as it *will* affect your life!

Hmm... I totally agree with Marius, because, well, frankly, I EXPERIENCED it. I'll bet many of you didn't know that in my previous relationship, we actually broke up twice (she initiated) and somehow, I was crazy enough to still want her back, because I thought I could change the things she didn't like about me or the relationship. Seriously speaking... I didn't know better lor... Trying to be a hero mah... as the song goes... "Love changes, changes everything... love makes you FLY..." (Climie Fisher) And look at where I am now... happily involved with a wonderful and beautiful woman who accepts me for who I am, hardly ever complained about anything and loves me absolutely and vice versa.

Arguments or fights are good, but if it happens TOO often, like every day or EVERY HOUR, then, something is seriously WRONG. Why go about changing yourself when that is going to make you become somebody you are NOT? We all know that COMPROMISE is a very important element in a successful marriage, and I agree. But you will have to work that out yourself, just HOW MUCH could you compromise? And DON'T EVER think that he or she will become BETTER after getting married... it's only going to get WORSE! So that's why I say, if you are ALREADY compromising A LOT now before getting married, GET READY for TONNES of stuffs you would have to tahan and compromise after tying the knot. Is that why many marriage break down because one party thinks that things will "work out" or improve after getting married? Hmmm...

Oh well... here's the beautiful and cute song...

Our sin-sick, depraved world...





Look at this...






People pass a poster reading 'Divorce Fair. Start your life new' during the world's first divorce fair at a hotel in Vienna, Austria, Saturday, Oct. 27, 2007. The focus was on untying the knot Saturday at what was billed as the world's first divorce fair, with detectives ready to catch your spouse in the act, mediators to help ease the pain of separation, lawyers and a laboratory offering paternity tests. (AP Photo/Ronald Zak)

What the??? DIVORCE FAIR??? *shakes head*

After doing some research, I found that divorce rates had been on the increase, according to The World Fertility Report 2003, prepared by the Population Division of the Department of Economic and Social Affairs of the United Nations Secretariat. The report stated that "Divorce rates have increased in most countries with data available . In developed countries, the median rate of divorce rose from 13 divorces per 100 for men and women in the 1970s to 24 divorces per 100 men and 27 per 100 women in the 1990s. In developing countries, the median rate of divorce increased from 7 to 12 divorces per 100 men and from 5 to 15 divorces per 100 women. That is, not only has there been a tendency for people to marry later, but the instability of marital unions has been rising. Both trends clearly have significant implications for reproductive behaviour."

I mean, what the? WHY on earth do these people get married in the first place? Does saying the marriage vow mean ANYTHING AT ALL to them? Damn pathetic lah... Seems that more and more people are missing the WHOLE IDEA of tying the knot... What is the top 3 reasons people get divorced? A 2006 survey by DivorceMagazine.com asked readers what had caused their separation or divorce. Taking both genders into consideration, 22.8% of respondents claimed infidelity as the strongest factor, followed by communication problems at 21.6% and basic incompatibility at 18.2%. However, it is worth noting that the poll results differed somewhat between men and women. 27.4% of men chose basic incompatibility as the strongest factor; communication problems came second at 24.5%, followed by infidelity at 19.1%. Hmmm... interesting find... I mean, infidelity or extramarital affairs could have started mainly because of personality incompatibility and communication problems, which is probably why after cannot tahan the wives already, they started to look for someone else.

And nobody seemed to care sorting those two major areas (getting to know the person - personality, and building the communication) out first before getting married, since most people are so keen (and busy) to get all too physical and emotional and "romantic" too early in a relationship. Sigh... it's not a wonder why divorce rates are shooting up like crazy in just 20 years' time. These people need Kingdom Marriage classes man... tsk tsk tsk... God help them...

(This is a SICK post, hence the BLACK colour)

Stuck at Kota Bharu airport... sigh...

Hi Friends! Finished giving my talk at 11:30, and can actually go back already, but because MAS do not have any flight before the 16:50 flight, I am stuck here..... sigh... On the other hand, this is quite a relief, as I hardly had any time to blog or go surfing the past few days. And I've got so many updates!!! Argh!!! Anyway, here goes:

1. I'm MOVING office!!! Yupz, yesterday was my last day at Kelana Business Centre, Kelana Jaya, and on Monday, I'll be starting work at my new office in Jaya33. Haven't got any pictures yet. Today SUPPOSED to be there since my MD will officiate the moving in but I couldn't be there... sob sob... Anyways... the past few days had been hectic... Did you think that moving office is so simple? You have to pack your own stuffs, and as for me, I dunno how come I had TONNES of stuffs to pack... 5 cupboards and 2 racks to feed ten thousand people!!! Pure madness... threw away so many useless stuffs... in the end had 7 boxes (not 12 boxes) of stuffs to bring over to the new office. My company actually hired a professional mover to transport all our stuffs over - Allied Pickford or something like that... And I can't imagine the UNpacking I have to do once I get into office next week...... ANYWAYS, for those of you who don't know where is Jaya33, it is right opposite Jaya supermarket at Section 14, PJ. Yupz... now I am damn close to church, which is a good thing, but the TRAFFIC JAM!!! Argggggggggggggggh!!! I have no choice but to take the notorious FEDERAL HIGHWAY to and fro... sob sob..... Anyone selling mini helicopters? Anyways, I am going to believe that because I am moving there, the traffic will get lesser and lesser, because this is God's beloved kid moving there ok... dun play play...

2. I finally got my broadband - Maxis Broadband (High Speed Internet Access - HSDPA)

Check out the size of the modem... it's even smaller than my mouse!!! LOL

Anyways, this is really good stuff... RM139 per month, speed is 3.6mbps (oklah...) and they waived installation and registration fees, which is RM100 + RM88. And I only pay RM100 for the first month if I pay by CASH. And the best thing is, ANYWHERE I go in Malaysia, I can get connected. No worries about coverage... (yupz, even here, in Kota Bharu... LOL) Cool huh? And it's faster than 3G, GPRS and handphone what-nots. So no more getting frustrated by the everything-also-block Wyeth IT... now I can access ALL blogs, heh heh heh... and Neopets, Friendster, MSN... muahahahaha........ I AM BACK!!! Hee hee hee.....

3. I knew my 10-rounds time was no pure fluke. I did 25:51.34 yesterday, my fastest ever 10-rounds. Either I am such a dork for counting wrongly AGAIN, or I have really improved a lot. My next runs: 30th Oct - 10-rounds, 3rd Nov - 15-rounds, 7th Nov - 5KM (Klang stadium) and finally attempting the Subang Jaya 10KM Run route again on 10th Nov... heheheh... This time, I will time myself...

And it is only 15:18....... sob sob...........

So fast?

Last Monday, I took 26:04.09 to complete the 10 rounds at the park near my house. I was breathing heavily, but still manageable. And I could actually sprint the last 50m, which is a sign that I haven't exerted myself to the fullest.

But I am still in wonder of the time... I mean, just about 3 months ago, I took 35:36.75 to complete the same distance. That's like almost 10 minutes off my first 10-rounds-run!!! What the??? Either I have improved a lot, or I was too slow in my first run. But I still remember... in that first run, I was struggling to breath, both my knees were in great pain, and I could barely run... Seriously, a very big contrast... At first I thought maybe I only finished 9 rounds??? LOL... that is possible... but I really counted properly! I took 2:30 for the first round, so if multiply by 10, should be around 25 mins... Anyways, if this result is flawed, we shall see this coming Friday, my next run.

I would prefer to give it the benefit of doubt, and I think the drizzle helped. It's really fun, running under the slowing drizzle. Very cooling. For some people, they would think it's crazy, running under the rain, and for some, they get sick, even with just a few drops of rainwater... The differing factor? Immune system... Exercising REGULARLY helps to build a strong immune system. Try picturing a budak kampung and a budak bandar on a rainy day. A budak kampung would be running around happily under the rain, playing some games with his friends, while a budak bandar is in the house, playing computer games or PS2, and when go out must be accompanied by a huge payung. Hardly touched the rain, ever. Hardly ever exercised too... ever. Seriously lorrr, I have not fallen sick for such a long time I really forgot when was the last time I fell sick. Hmmm... thank You Jesus for divine health, and giving me wisdom on how to take care of my health!

Urrgghh... gotta go sleep liao... having a busy travelling week... Drove to and fro Ipoh last Sunday to conduct a public forum, tumpanging colleague's car to Seremban tomorrow (gotta wake up at 5!!!) - 2008 Business Plan Meeting, back on Thursday night, flying to Kota Bharu this Friday night for a talk Saturday morning to 100 over pregnant moms, and giving a CME to 250 GPs this Sunday in errr... where ah??? Oh yah, PJ Hilton... Phew........ good night everyone... zzzzz

Hey, Evie!





I dunno how to tell u this but your blog's layout looks weird... And I think Jason also tried to point it out... this is how it looks like to me...

Or maybe it's just my browser or display settings? I'm on 1024X768

You will NEVER see this kind of news in Malaysia





(From a Melbourne newspaper)


Don't the RAKYAT, who pays all kinds of taxes, deserves to know what the KERAJAAN is doing with their hard-earned MONEY? Alas, ALL the major local media are owned by the government. You will ALWAYS hear GOOD things on ANYTHING that the government is doing. It's ALWAYS the "MALAYSIA BOLEH" excuse. Apa pun BOLEH lah...



It's really sad... RM95,000,000... 95 million ringgit of the RAKYAT's money goes into sending someone to space, for what??? I mean, seriously, that kind of money, could have been more wisely distributed to many of our SCHOOLS, HOSPITALS, PUBLIC AMENITIES, ROADS, UTILITIES, POLICE FORCE, and the desperate list goes on and on and on... If some of those people in the committee that agreed to spend that 95 million had actually stepped into some of our schools and hospitals... *shakes head*



How come we've never heard about our rich and developed neighbour, Singapore doing anything like this? With less people, and even lesser land and natural resources, it really makes one wonder, why Singapore is FAR ahead of Malaysia in many areas, especially in the area of accumulating wealth. WHAT went wrong? Or rather, what went RIGHT?


Probably, there could have been a LONG TERM PLAN for a space program, something that could give Malaysia a good return for the money invested, if not now, maybe some years later. If you read the government-controlled local media, did you come across any such plan? "Oh, he will not be the first and only" (Another 95 million or more gone)


And that so-called "good-looking" guy that they chose to go into space... he hardly could complete his Masters program well... I'm sure his HUKM university-mates could testify to this... Just listen to him talk... like what Jamie said - prepubescent! How come none of the real, top scientists in our nation get chosen for this job? Because they are not "good-looking"? Or is it because they had migrated already to other countries? Hmmm...


Sigh... I'm NOT trying to defame my nation, my country of birth. I do love Malaysia for so many things... peace, harmony, free of natural disasters, the variety of food, language, race, religion, freedom of worship, and so many more things... so I AM THANKFUL for what I have now... It's just that sometimes, I wish the leaders of this nation could have been more prudent and wise in spending the RAKYAT's hard-earned money. Guess I gotta pray more for them...


Will things ever change, Lord?

This is the reason why you shouldn't be an IDIOT and accelerate when the lights turn orange (or red, for some REALLY #^%$# IDIOTS)

(if the image above is not animated, then, please click on it to see the animated version)

Poor kid...

17:45.63

Yupz... the title said it all... 17 minutes 45.63 seconds is my new personal best!!! I still can't believe it I actually dipped below 18 minutes just a few hours ago!

I was quite surprised anyway, when I saw my halfway lap time:

That was my fastest ever lap time! And I think making a good lap time plays a significant role in determining my finishing time... although I was almost collapsing at the end... phew... THANK YOU JESUS! (BTW, I coincidentally took this pic just now while on the way to eat at McD's... my car's clock on the dashboard... how coincidental can you get sometimes... huh?)

That is just great... 4 more minutes to minus to hit my target... heh heh heh...

Anyways, going to Peter's house now to update my house desktop PC softwares & drivers and maybe some DOTA... heh heh heh... It's been almost 4 years since I last updated!!! Crazy huh...

Oh! I updated my previous post too... since the originator confessed some technical errors in the choice of words... heheheh...

Bye for now and keep enjoying the Raya break! Wooohoooooooo!!!

Tyre Expiry Awareness

Hi Friends! I never really knew that car tyres got expiry dates!!! I thought only food & drinks have that.

Anyways, this post will be very useful, especially for Jamie those who are going to change tyres soon, and those who haven't checked or changed their tyres for ages.

Vehicle tyres have a 4-year validity period from their Date of Manufacture (DOM). Thereafter, the tyre expires and may burst whilst in use. How to find out whether your tyre has expired? Check for a stamp like this: (*2603*) There is an asterisk at the beginning and at the end of this serial number. Sometimes there are no asterisks but the 4 numbers are surrounded by an oval. The first two numbers 26 will tell which week of the year has it been manufactured. For those who are new to Earth, one year has 52 weeks. The last two numbers represent the year of make. Therefore, *2603* shows that the said tyre was manufactured in the 26th week of the year 2003. *3007* shows that the tyre was made in the 30th week of this year.

What if there is no serial number? Ahhh... I believe no one knows about this but tyres have imitation products too. Either it is imitation product, or the tyre is long expired... meaning, the shop dealer "rubbed" out the DOM. Didn't know that huh? Neither did I... *sob* *sob*... But nevermind... better late than never.

Check all your tyres for safety purposes. Do not use expired tyres. They are likely to burst (especially when running in hot weather) because the rubber component may have hardened and cracked. INSIST on getting a newer tyre... don't let the shop dealer, who just want to clear old stocks, fool you!

How often should you change? Well, I'm not a tyre expert or specialist... I heard of recommendations of 2 years, 3 years, but seriously, I think it depends on how heavy the usage is. There's a lot of difference in driving everyday for 2 years, and driving only in the weekends for 2 years. And also on the condition of the roads travelled, and the length of usage per trip. Our ever-summer Malaysian weather is an important factor too. As a rule of thumb:

1. Make sure it is less than 4 years from the expiry date.

2. Use a 20 sen coin to check... picture courtesy of Jamie (hee hee... thanks! Cheh cheh... promo for your blog :P)

Funny pics for the weekend...

Ooppss...

Am I hot or am I blonde?

Wow... how cool is that??? When love and hate collides...

Wah... talk about creativity huh...

Somehow, I don't find this funny... bleh...

Ratatouille?

Ouch!

Yikes...

Woah... scary man...

My God! I really wonder if anyone would still fly that airline...

Yah right... pity the baby...

Talk about kiasu huh... tsk tsk...

And the best for last... (yupz... she's blonde)

Have a great Raya weekend, friends! Woohooo!

A wee bit disappointed...

Hi Friends... some time last week, I managed to squeeze in time to catch a movie - Wedding Crashers... and... sigh... I was seriously a weeeeeeeter bit disappointed...

I mean, the main reason why I am watching it is because it won the 2006 MTV Movie Awards - Best Movie... and from experience, MTV Movie Award winners for Best Movie always had me well entertained, like Lord of the Rings I (2002), II (2003) and III (2004), Gladiator (2001), American Beauty (2000), There's Something About Mary (1999) (LOL... this one was a bomb... especially the uncensored version... LOL....... I beg you..... please watch it, if you haven't...), and Titanic (1998). I haven't watched Napoleon Dynamite yet (2005 winner), even though the DVD's like sitting on my DVD rack like ages already.

Anyways... back to the Wedding Crashers... yup... I was like..... hmmm..., ok..., not bad,.... maybe..., well....., sigh..... I mean, there WERE some brilliant parts of the movie... some of the funny parts are just too hilarious... but overall... especially the ROMANCE part... *shakes head* and the ending............... nahhhhh........ it didn't quite make it......... not like it's predecessors.......

Well... at LEAST it did keep me entertained for a wee bit....... mmmmmm.... make that just a weeeeeeeeeeeeter bit lah.... *shrugs*

Honey, I wanna ENLARGE my.......




... my blogosphere, that is... LOL what else lah? :p



Anyways, since my company blocked Friendster blogs, I had less blogs to read, and I think it's high time I stretch my wings and borders to cover more blogs, more useful sites.



So I wanna welcome every-person's-birthday-is-my-birthday Jamie Hong, and the super-abundant Mr. Kelvin M. Leong! Of course all of us know what M. stands for, no need to elaborate on that.



I could have added more blogs easily, but time is pretty limited, and I think I should only add bloggers that frequently visit AND comment on my blog. You'd notice that, hadn't you?



And also, I have added some interesting and very useful links to enrich your knowledge and vision. I like Biblegateway.com, mainly and solely because of the free access to all the different versions of the Word of God, and legitimate versions, for that. Quackwatch is good stuff to know all those nutritional or medicinal practices and consumer products out there are REAL or just plain BS. The same goes for Snopes, as it has done excellent research and exposition on all those irritating & FAKE forwarded mails. Some of them were just TOO MUCH... come on man... cellphone in your pants' pockets cause cancer of the private parts or infertility??? Talking too long on the cellphone causes brain tumour or ear problems??? And those absolutely ridiculous "Microsoft will pay you $245 for every person you forward this to..." mails... DUH!!!

Wall Street Journal had many interesting articles on many issues and topics, and I normally read the Editor's Picks in the free articles section (yupz, you have to subscribe if you want to read everything else other than the free zone). And wiki, of course, I just think that this is one of the most amazing invention on the Internet. Almost everything you want to know about in this universe is there. Everything. Accuracy? I would say almost perfectly accurate. Some might not agree, but do let me know if you know any other site that has the same extensive database of information, updated almost instantly, freakingly frequently at that, and more "accurate" or better than wiki.

Ooopppsss! Gotta get back to work now! Adiós!

Weird people... WHAT-EVER...


Hi Friends! It's been a long and busy week. Hadn't had a chance to update anything. Loads of things happened, specifically, in church. But before I start on anything, I want to wish Sarah Chiang a blessed birthday!!! So this is birthday number (counting fingers...) errr... Ooppss... (continue counting with toes...) errr... heheheh... Wow, what a way to have your final exams on your birthday! Anyways, because it is your birthday and God had blessed it, you shall do excellently well! Amen.

Now, I shall just update one thing, one thing which pissed me off totally, and I shall not dwell on it anymore but to move on. "What-ever" is the theme here...

I just don't understand how a MAN, yes, a MAN, if you are really one, and also a BELIEVER in the Lord Jesus Christ, transformed and changed more and more into His image by His love and Word everyday, can utter the FUCK word to a WOMAN in the HOUSE OF THE LORD, and not only that, MORE THAN ONCE. Come on man... if you can say that to a woman IN THE HOUSE OF THE LORD, I really can't imagine what you would do to her OUTSIDE the church. Sheesh... Wasn't Pastor sharing about kindness? It's not how you treat those high and mighty people up there... it's how you treat those people around you... I have no intention of knowing WHAT it is that caused you to say that, but safe to say that no matter WHAT that girl did to you, it does not warrant a FUCK word. Besides, that girl is a decent girl and I don't think she would do anything so terrible as to make you say that to her. Better call Pastor Elisa for deliverance! Come OUT in JESUS' NAME! This happened on 30th of Sept, and I "happened" to overhear all that, not intentionally, as I was having my lunch in the Dream Cafe.

And that same MAN, was the "center of attention" in last Friday's caregroup, 5th of Oct. I was late as I was a bit stuck at work so I arrived during the last worship song, and I sensed that the atmosphere was tense. I had no idea what's going on, so since everyone started praying in tongues except for him, I did that too. After tongues was praying for government, church, etc, and after that, Pastor Sally invited everyone to share testimony, something good the Lord had done in the past 2 weeks. Somehow, coincidentally, he was the last person to share, since it went one round. And what he said, or rather, how MUCH he said, shocked me.

He started by saying, "Nothing today." So I thought, that's it. But then, he went on (and on...) and said something like he didn't want to be there actually because he didn't want to see "some of you" there. Then, I hear things like "hypocrite", quote scripture somemore(!!!) from 2 Samuel, and then directly telling Pastor Sally, "I don't know how come I still can talk to you", and things like people encouraging him to leave church, and there's a "pastor" outside church asking him to leave church as well... What the? What kind of PASTOR would ask someone to leave church????? Hello!!! And then I sensed the spirit of arrogance, coz he said, "I know I am NOBODY in the church now. But when I am SOMEBODY..." What the??? And there were a few more weird things he said, like, destruction of property, physical hurt, and for a moment, I thought he's gonna do something to us, or our properties...!!! It was quite a relieve when he stopped by saying, "Ok, got to go" and just left like that. What the??? Why come when you don't even want to come in the first place??? And why vent out your anger and frustration on innocent people who had no idea what's going on, or had nothing to do with your anger or frustration??? Sheesh... WEIRD! And like I said... WHAT-EVER.........